I don't have any pictures yet! Jeff only took video and I haven't received the still pics from any of the girls yet. What a beautiful day! About 75 and sunny with about 2500 women walking throughout the neighborhoods of Winter Park. It was SO much fun. I walked most of it but HAD to try running the last 1/2 mile...which I did....AND lived to tell about it. Thank you Lori for keeping me company on the last 1/2 mile and for making sure I didn't do a face plant on the brick streets.
So who was there for the run and the brunch afterwards?
Cindy and her daughter Alex (13)
Tracy and her kids Zander and Nona
Jody
Audra
Melissa
Susie
Lori (ran the WHOLE thing in 27 minutes...we WALKED the first mile in 27 minutes!)
Andrea...Ran it! and it was her first competitive 5K..she did awesome
Sig...gotta hold of some bad OJ but ran later in our honor and brought delicious quiche to brunch
Peg....showed up refreshed and glowing at the brunch
Supported by Mike B and Jeff and Joe.
The after party at Cindy's was SO GORGEOUS. Looked like a movie set. Can't WAIT to post the pictures. It was on her back porch on the lake. Just imagine pink and white balloons, pink and white flowers and an amazing table set with hearts and pink everything....it was breathtaking....Cindy and her husband Joe, sons Christian and Jack and daughter Alex...turned a GREAT day into a day that will never be forgotten.
We loved getting together so much (even at that early in the morning) that we are going to try to get together every month to do a run/walk. The Track Shack here in Orlando sponsors a lot of fun events...I'm doing the research now.
OK no more excuses for me!! If I can do a 5K I can certainly workout!! (...damn!) :)
Monday, January 30, 2006
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
The Survivor Movie
Ok...it's a little sappy...but it's something I should watch everyday.
http://www.thesurvivormovie.com/
http://www.thesurvivormovie.com/
Thursday, January 26, 2006
THIS IS NOT A JOKE....Scans RESCHEDULED
Unbelievable!!! Scans are RESCHEDULED AGAIN!
Wow....I am in NO hurry to spend 45 minutes in a tube that has a circumference of about 18 inches...but this is ridiculous.....this is the fourth time! And it is because I have NEW insurance and I'm also now on COBRA. So February 6th is the date...I guess I'll believe it when I actually show up.
The lady from Florida Hospital Scheduling said all the girls in the group were afraid to call me...because last time they called to reschedule, they caught me at a bad moment one morning ....and I burst out crying...apparently the girl who called me cried for about 30 minutes afterward. Poor thing. I told them to try to give me bad news in the afternoon...my anti-anxiety meds have kicked in by then ;)
Thank Goodness my bloodwork is so good...otherwise I would be a lot more freaked....
On a REALLY positive note....I am in a 5K this Sunday with a bunch of my great friends....I am so PSYCHED. I am NOT running...but will be walking. (Or crawling) I know this is amibitious, but I gotta MOVE. A month ago I could barely walk around the block!
Check it out http://www.trackshack.com/events/events/lts/lts.php
Next Monday I will post all the pics and let you know if I survived or not! We are having a champagne brunch at Cindy Christmas' house after the race......I bet THOSE pics will be worth some $$$!
Wow....I am in NO hurry to spend 45 minutes in a tube that has a circumference of about 18 inches...but this is ridiculous.....this is the fourth time! And it is because I have NEW insurance and I'm also now on COBRA. So February 6th is the date...I guess I'll believe it when I actually show up.
The lady from Florida Hospital Scheduling said all the girls in the group were afraid to call me...because last time they called to reschedule, they caught me at a bad moment one morning ....and I burst out crying...apparently the girl who called me cried for about 30 minutes afterward. Poor thing. I told them to try to give me bad news in the afternoon...my anti-anxiety meds have kicked in by then ;)
Thank Goodness my bloodwork is so good...otherwise I would be a lot more freaked....
On a REALLY positive note....I am in a 5K this Sunday with a bunch of my great friends....I am so PSYCHED. I am NOT running...but will be walking. (Or crawling) I know this is amibitious, but I gotta MOVE. A month ago I could barely walk around the block!
Check it out http://www.trackshack.com/events/events/lts/lts.php
Next Monday I will post all the pics and let you know if I survived or not! We are having a champagne brunch at Cindy Christmas' house after the race......I bet THOSE pics will be worth some $$$!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
This is a picture of my sister Kristen with her ex-husband. (he-he)
Kristen is Stevie and Nick's mom. (Can you tell my sister is a Fleetwood Mac fan?)
I am SO happy my sister has moved back to Florida from Illinois with my precious Neice and Nephew. Spending time with them is one of my favorite things to do!
Friday, January 20, 2006
PET SCANS changed AGAIN!
I don't think I can take the suspense any more...this will be the third cancellation. My company switched Insurance providers and I am also now on Cobra.....so confusing. Florida Hospital said the new Insurance company is a "labrynith of confusion." Apparently I am only "loaded into the system halfway". ( I could've told them that!) So now scans are delayed until the 27th....which means no "definitive" answers until the first week of February. THIS IS SO FRUSRATING!
Well....at leastI have insurance...these Pet scans cost 4k a pop.
Well....at leastI have insurance...these Pet scans cost 4k a pop.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
You Should Write a Book!
You should write a book! I had heard that so many times after my first diagnosis. I was an upbeat, model patient...always seemed optimistic, always looking on the bright side...always feeling lucky.
I actually started a book....called Vanity Interrupted. I was going to write it as a humorous self-help guide. The text that follows below was the "Introduction" to that book.
I would like to apologize if anybody reading this finds it offensive, no hard feelings...just trying to be funny....I will put it in italics so you know it is the 'book" and not a recent post.
Something Interrupted
Introduction
I was not a pretty child. Definitely not one of those adorable little girls who had everyone in the palm of their hands. Awkward smile, braces at 10, eye glasses, stringy blonde hair, bow-legged, always sunburned never tan, no fashion sense and oh yeah, webbed toes thrown in for good measure. I used to pray to be pretty…actually asked Jesus to give me boobs like the women in Playboy magazine. Well Jesus never delivered but 20 years later Dr. Baker gave me beautiful breasts… and 4 years after that cancer took them away.
This is a book about my journey through Breast Cancer World. This is also a book about the lessons I learned about facing not only cancer but a course of treatment that actually attacks the very things I felt made me a woman..…breasts, hair, skin, fertility, my sexuality.
How is this book different than all the other “how to do breast cancer” books? This will be an attempt at a guidebook for women on how to feel beautiful and hopeful as they face the devastating news of the diagnosis of breast cancer. You can also get some great tips on moisturizers.
Whether you are newly diagnosed, in the middle of your own journey or the loved one of a woman going through the drama of breast cancer…. hopefully you will be able to pick up one or two tidbits to make you laugh or to help you deal with frustrating physical aspects of your treatment.
Everyone’s experience with this disease is unique as they are. But if you are a woman worried about your hair, your skin, your figure and your sexuality (and if you are not worried could you PLEASE write a book for the rest of us on how NOT to worry)…I will share with you some of my experiences, tips, coping mechanism’s and words of encouragement to hopefully lighten the load just a little.
A woman is like a teabag….you never know how strong she is until you put her into hot water….Mae West
2002…what an unbelievable year. I hit the jackpot….unemployment, divorce, cancer, baldness, 3 surgeries, welfare, the beginnings of bankruptcy, lost friends, lost family….and I wouldn’t trade that year for anything!!!
You are probably reading a variety of support books on breast cancer…and no doubt you will read from more than one survivor that states “breast cancer was a blessing” or “a rewarding experience”. And you are no doubt thinking that chemo MUST make women insane. (Well it kind of does, but I assure you only temporarily).
So how could, what should have been the worst year of my life turn into one of the best? In short, I learned what love is. I learned with an almost audible POP! I am actually writing this book in order to recapture that POP! I don’t want to forget…I have lessons I learned that I want to share…and lessons I don’t want to forget in the fog of everyday life of being “back to normal”.
So when a breast cancer survivor tells you that cancer was a blessing…it means for awhile they understood how precious life is and what is important…truly important. Of course we all know what is important…. family, friends, church, country…. yada, yada, yada. But to feel what is important, with absolute clarity…what an experience.
No don’t get me wrong right off the bat…this is a book about how to have hope and to even feel lucky while going through breast cancer treatment….but it is ALSO about exfoliating, moisturizing, wigs and the joy of a good personal lubricant.
****************************************************************************************************
Panic Time
So let’s back up a bit…I have never been one to have illness or any physical ailment manifested by stress, or depression. No nervous stomach, no headaches, no back pain…a lot of the stuff my female friends complained about getting all the time when they were stressed out or nervous about something.
That all changed sometime in the spring of 2001. I had a full-on panic attack that lasted about 8 months.
These were the 8 months that lead up to my leaving my husband at the time and his three children…or should I say 2 adult sons and 16-year-old daughter. I don’t want to go into too much detail about this time in my life….that is whole other book or about 10 installments on the Dr. Phil show.
During those 8 months I always had this unshakable feeling of dread, my heart rate always seemed to be elevated…I lost a lot of sleep, weight and even my sense of humor. I was turning 40 that year and those close to me just chalked it up to some type of mid-life crisis. The events that happened on September 11th of that year certainly added to the overwhelming feeling that my life was slipping away and I was running out of time.
And as do most women turning 40 I was very worried about my looks fading. Although I was not a pretty child I had turned into a beautiful woman. There I said it… Believe it or not this was a tough thing to accept…that I was beautiful. It started to happen right around 11th grade and but I only really started to believe what I was hearing from others sometime around 38 years old.
Like every other American Woman when I looked in the mirror all I saw was flaws. Way too numerous to mention here. But for a start; cellulite, a pear shape, sallow skin, practically no eye lashes, yellowish teeth, thin hair, breasts that were asymmetrical with one a whole cup size smaller than the other (horrors) and let’s not forget webbed toes.
Needless to say, without the scrutiny of a microscope, fluorescent lights and the critical eye of a beauty pageant judge…these flaws were not wholly apparent to anybody but me. As a matter of fact when anyone gave me a compliment or told me I was beautiful…I used to think “I must have fallen into some good light” or “I wonder how much they had to drink”.
Why I had such low self-esteem is beyond me…. My parents certainly did not instill this in me. Both of them had always given me amazing encouragement and support. When they used to tell me I could be anything I wanted to be, anything, I really did believe them. I was an honor student in high school, supported by great friends…I succeeded in sports, was a cheerleader in high school and college, always had an adoring boyfriend and I was even voted best looking in high school.
I know…boo hoo, hoo, hoo….but when you are facing 40 and feeling like your life is over, none of your dreams have been realized, you have no children of your own, you are a one woman support program for a dysfunctional step-family and you have one or two years before the only thing you have going for you, your looks, are gone….you panic.
OK YOU DO KNOW PUNCHLINE RIGHT?....MY "LOOKS" WERE THE LEAST I HAD GOING FOR ME AT THE TIME. MY PARENTS DID RAISE ME RIGHT!! :)
That's all I wrote.....obviously from the perspective of a person who has put cancer and it's treatments behind them. Here's the really weird part....I wrote the above text May 31st 2005. Within one week of that date I would have had 3 surgeries, 5 days in ICU and a diagnosis of my breast cancer metastisizing to lung and bones...stage 4 (there is no 5).
So...should I still write a book? Maybe I can call it "OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN!".
I actually started a book....called Vanity Interrupted. I was going to write it as a humorous self-help guide. The text that follows below was the "Introduction" to that book.
I would like to apologize if anybody reading this finds it offensive, no hard feelings...just trying to be funny....I will put it in italics so you know it is the 'book" and not a recent post.
Something Interrupted
Introduction
I was not a pretty child. Definitely not one of those adorable little girls who had everyone in the palm of their hands. Awkward smile, braces at 10, eye glasses, stringy blonde hair, bow-legged, always sunburned never tan, no fashion sense and oh yeah, webbed toes thrown in for good measure. I used to pray to be pretty…actually asked Jesus to give me boobs like the women in Playboy magazine. Well Jesus never delivered but 20 years later Dr. Baker gave me beautiful breasts… and 4 years after that cancer took them away.
This is a book about my journey through Breast Cancer World. This is also a book about the lessons I learned about facing not only cancer but a course of treatment that actually attacks the very things I felt made me a woman..…breasts, hair, skin, fertility, my sexuality.
How is this book different than all the other “how to do breast cancer” books? This will be an attempt at a guidebook for women on how to feel beautiful and hopeful as they face the devastating news of the diagnosis of breast cancer. You can also get some great tips on moisturizers.
Whether you are newly diagnosed, in the middle of your own journey or the loved one of a woman going through the drama of breast cancer…. hopefully you will be able to pick up one or two tidbits to make you laugh or to help you deal with frustrating physical aspects of your treatment.
Everyone’s experience with this disease is unique as they are. But if you are a woman worried about your hair, your skin, your figure and your sexuality (and if you are not worried could you PLEASE write a book for the rest of us on how NOT to worry)…I will share with you some of my experiences, tips, coping mechanism’s and words of encouragement to hopefully lighten the load just a little.
A woman is like a teabag….you never know how strong she is until you put her into hot water….Mae West
2002…what an unbelievable year. I hit the jackpot….unemployment, divorce, cancer, baldness, 3 surgeries, welfare, the beginnings of bankruptcy, lost friends, lost family….and I wouldn’t trade that year for anything!!!
You are probably reading a variety of support books on breast cancer…and no doubt you will read from more than one survivor that states “breast cancer was a blessing” or “a rewarding experience”. And you are no doubt thinking that chemo MUST make women insane. (Well it kind of does, but I assure you only temporarily).
So how could, what should have been the worst year of my life turn into one of the best? In short, I learned what love is. I learned with an almost audible POP! I am actually writing this book in order to recapture that POP! I don’t want to forget…I have lessons I learned that I want to share…and lessons I don’t want to forget in the fog of everyday life of being “back to normal”.
So when a breast cancer survivor tells you that cancer was a blessing…it means for awhile they understood how precious life is and what is important…truly important. Of course we all know what is important…. family, friends, church, country…. yada, yada, yada. But to feel what is important, with absolute clarity…what an experience.
No don’t get me wrong right off the bat…this is a book about how to have hope and to even feel lucky while going through breast cancer treatment….but it is ALSO about exfoliating, moisturizing, wigs and the joy of a good personal lubricant.
****************************************************************************************************
Panic Time
So let’s back up a bit…I have never been one to have illness or any physical ailment manifested by stress, or depression. No nervous stomach, no headaches, no back pain…a lot of the stuff my female friends complained about getting all the time when they were stressed out or nervous about something.
That all changed sometime in the spring of 2001. I had a full-on panic attack that lasted about 8 months.
These were the 8 months that lead up to my leaving my husband at the time and his three children…or should I say 2 adult sons and 16-year-old daughter. I don’t want to go into too much detail about this time in my life….that is whole other book or about 10 installments on the Dr. Phil show.
During those 8 months I always had this unshakable feeling of dread, my heart rate always seemed to be elevated…I lost a lot of sleep, weight and even my sense of humor. I was turning 40 that year and those close to me just chalked it up to some type of mid-life crisis. The events that happened on September 11th of that year certainly added to the overwhelming feeling that my life was slipping away and I was running out of time.
And as do most women turning 40 I was very worried about my looks fading. Although I was not a pretty child I had turned into a beautiful woman. There I said it… Believe it or not this was a tough thing to accept…that I was beautiful. It started to happen right around 11th grade and but I only really started to believe what I was hearing from others sometime around 38 years old.
Like every other American Woman when I looked in the mirror all I saw was flaws. Way too numerous to mention here. But for a start; cellulite, a pear shape, sallow skin, practically no eye lashes, yellowish teeth, thin hair, breasts that were asymmetrical with one a whole cup size smaller than the other (horrors) and let’s not forget webbed toes.
Needless to say, without the scrutiny of a microscope, fluorescent lights and the critical eye of a beauty pageant judge…these flaws were not wholly apparent to anybody but me. As a matter of fact when anyone gave me a compliment or told me I was beautiful…I used to think “I must have fallen into some good light” or “I wonder how much they had to drink”.
Why I had such low self-esteem is beyond me…. My parents certainly did not instill this in me. Both of them had always given me amazing encouragement and support. When they used to tell me I could be anything I wanted to be, anything, I really did believe them. I was an honor student in high school, supported by great friends…I succeeded in sports, was a cheerleader in high school and college, always had an adoring boyfriend and I was even voted best looking in high school.
I know…boo hoo, hoo, hoo….but when you are facing 40 and feeling like your life is over, none of your dreams have been realized, you have no children of your own, you are a one woman support program for a dysfunctional step-family and you have one or two years before the only thing you have going for you, your looks, are gone….you panic.
OK YOU DO KNOW PUNCHLINE RIGHT?....MY "LOOKS" WERE THE LEAST I HAD GOING FOR ME AT THE TIME. MY PARENTS DID RAISE ME RIGHT!! :)
That's all I wrote.....obviously from the perspective of a person who has put cancer and it's treatments behind them. Here's the really weird part....I wrote the above text May 31st 2005. Within one week of that date I would have had 3 surgeries, 5 days in ICU and a diagnosis of my breast cancer metastisizing to lung and bones...stage 4 (there is no 5).
So...should I still write a book? Maybe I can call it "OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN!".
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Why So it Goes?
Thanks to everybody who has responded to my Blog....your comments are so cool! Somebody asked me why I named my blog after a Billy Joel Song....(!) Actually I didn't....So it goes... is from a book by Kurt Vonnegut called Slaughterhouse Five that I read when I was WAY too young. I still lived in Illinois so I had to be under 11. YIKES! That book set me off on my love of science fiction....Actually Kurt Vonnegut is an incredibly talented and wise man...Here is a link to a list of his books and some of his quotes http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Kurt_Vonnegut
As a side note...some of you have mentioned my bad spelling...I SWARE I KAN SPELL....I just kant tipe so good!!
As a side note...some of you have mentioned my bad spelling...I SWARE I KAN SPELL....I just kant tipe so good!!
Monday, January 16, 2006
Christmas-2005
Jeff and I in front of tree Christmas 2005
No eyebrows, no eye lashes, feeling pretty poopie still.
Can't wait to ditch the wig and hats......Although Santa hat is my favorite. I wear it all the time....even to bed! HOHOHO
This is my Mom and I 3 Christmases ago. (I think)...see how curly my hair came in after that round of chemo in 2002/2003....I wonder if it will do that again. Currently hairline looks similar to AJ's (Tee Hee) No curls yet...and of course the "natural blonde" is hiding below the dark hair coming in. What's up with that??
PET/CAT SCANS reseduled for the 24th.
That's ok...I can wait another week for good news! Have 3 other doctor's appointments this week. Actually having a regular old physical this Friday.....can't wait for the Doctor to tell me how HEALTHY I am....yeah other than the CANCER!!! It is kind of ironic...I eat as well as anybody I know (except for my sister Diane who is a Bona-vide veggie for a long time now) I have ALWAYS exercised....drink and smoke very little (well except for some SOB get togethers I don't want to bring up)...I have Low blood pressure, Good Cholestral levels...what the heck???
Jeff has some awesome pictures from the last few years I will start posting them soon.
Hey isn't it Jason's Birthday the 24th....what is he.... like 36 or something ;)
Jeff has some awesome pictures from the last few years I will start posting them soon.
Hey isn't it Jason's Birthday the 24th....what is he.... like 36 or something ;)
Young Survival Coalition-Great Support Site
http://www.youngsurvival.org ......what a great support site for breast cancer patients! It is so comforting and informative at the same time. I love all the very salty language too! Some of the girls who post on the site are HILARIOUS....a gal from Texas and TammyLou crack me up all the time.
It just SUX in such a horrible horrible way when we loose someone on the board to this S%^&tty disease. It's is so awful. These woman are SO young. And some with kids...I just can't imagine going through this AND taking care of kids. I just don't think I could do it....I can barely take care of myself....If I didn't have my Sweedy I don't know what I would do! probably have to live with one of my sisters or my parents.....YIKES. Maybe doing it ALONE is worse than doing it with kids.
So original diagnosis in 02....EARLY stage NO lymph involvement....Mastectomy, Chemo and Radiation....I was supposed to be LUCKY. This crap came back BIG time.....all in my lungs (pleura mostly) and bones....I'm not even sure how much I have....my Doctor didn't want me to freak....she just started listing places....Spine, Pelvis, Ribs, Sternum. Clavicle, Femur....I was like SHUT-UP!
I was NEVER sick....I still have my damn tonsils for cryin out loud!!....Anyway.....just finished 8 sessions of Taxotere (6months) That stuff is just the worst....can't describe how bad it makes you feel....you just feel way OFF. Like having a really bad hangover for 6 months. Some woman tolerate it ok....some woman get hospitalized it's so bad....I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I felt SO bad complaining about it because it was WORKING. Thank goodness. If it didn't work..I don't know how long I would be here with all that crap everywhere in my body. You know what's SO strange....that CRAP is your own cells. Your own cells gone freaking haywire. HOW CAN THEY NOT FIND A CURE?? You would think by now we could find a way to tell the cells....CUT IT OUT. I guess there has been SUCH massive improvements....even since my original diagnosis....oh well I can't complain too much....I am still here.
Tomorrow is a BIG day for me....I get CAT and PET scans done to see for SURE if the chemo worked....I have had really good results from blood work....but we won't know for sure until after the scans......get results on the 19th.....FINGERS CROSSED.
It just SUX in such a horrible horrible way when we loose someone on the board to this S%^&tty disease. It's is so awful. These woman are SO young. And some with kids...I just can't imagine going through this AND taking care of kids. I just don't think I could do it....I can barely take care of myself....If I didn't have my Sweedy I don't know what I would do! probably have to live with one of my sisters or my parents.....YIKES. Maybe doing it ALONE is worse than doing it with kids.
So original diagnosis in 02....EARLY stage NO lymph involvement....Mastectomy, Chemo and Radiation....I was supposed to be LUCKY. This crap came back BIG time.....all in my lungs (pleura mostly) and bones....I'm not even sure how much I have....my Doctor didn't want me to freak....she just started listing places....Spine, Pelvis, Ribs, Sternum. Clavicle, Femur....I was like SHUT-UP!
I was NEVER sick....I still have my damn tonsils for cryin out loud!!....Anyway.....just finished 8 sessions of Taxotere (6months) That stuff is just the worst....can't describe how bad it makes you feel....you just feel way OFF. Like having a really bad hangover for 6 months. Some woman tolerate it ok....some woman get hospitalized it's so bad....I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I felt SO bad complaining about it because it was WORKING. Thank goodness. If it didn't work..I don't know how long I would be here with all that crap everywhere in my body. You know what's SO strange....that CRAP is your own cells. Your own cells gone freaking haywire. HOW CAN THEY NOT FIND A CURE?? You would think by now we could find a way to tell the cells....CUT IT OUT. I guess there has been SUCH massive improvements....even since my original diagnosis....oh well I can't complain too much....I am still here.
Tomorrow is a BIG day for me....I get CAT and PET scans done to see for SURE if the chemo worked....I have had really good results from blood work....but we won't know for sure until after the scans......get results on the 19th.....FINGERS CROSSED.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
January 14 2006
Well this is long overdue. I have been trying to start journeling or capturing in one way another this wild, crazy, scary ride I have been on since July 2002. It is now January 2006....so I guess it's about time. I have been dancing with the Breast Cancer Beast for a few years. and it's been a WILD ride. I will try to back track a bit and fill you in on what has happened in the past...I will make sure to post pictures so you can see the various physical changes this experience has presented me.
I am doing this primarily for myself and the ones closest to me. A chroncle of our collective experience....I am not on this journey alone. I am lucky to be accompanied by angels, a sweedy and caring hearts.
I am doing this primarily for myself and the ones closest to me. A chroncle of our collective experience....I am not on this journey alone. I am lucky to be accompanied by angels, a sweedy and caring hearts.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
