On to Plan D

Looks like my mets have increased in size and activity in my lungs and bones while taking Tykerb/Xeloda.

I'm taking a two week break from all drugs and then start Abraxane/Avastin, go back on Herceptin and continue to do monthly Zometa. Good news is I won't have to take 15 pills a day....bad news is I will loose my hair again...oh well.

I responded really well to Taxotore when I was first treating my mets a couple of years ago. I'm hoping the Abraxane will do the same trick. They are very similar drugs.

I'm actually feeling pretty good...even with this not so good news. I have an appetite for a change and I'm in a decent mood. Seems like nothing surprises me anymore.

I've got a couple of weeks off of drugs here...I plan on doing some serious eating and drinking (haven't had a drink in months and months)....anyone need a trip to O-town to assist me in my debauchery?

XO

 

 

 

Vintage Drums

For those of you who don't know....Jeff is a drummer. Has played on and off in bands since he was in high school. Lately he has been finding incredible deals on older drums and re-habbing them and either selling them or trading them for other drums.

These pictures were taken for the latest treasure. These were taken in a corner of our house that looks "vintage" ... although what decade would be a guess because it is such a mix.

He put these pics up on ebay and negotiated a trade for some other drums that are supposed to be very valuable.

This is such a great hobby for him.

All We Need is Love

EVERYDAY

The Power of Forgiveness

I wish I was a great teacher or communicator. I find no words to describe something I started to grasp late last year that I have become closer and closer to fully embracing.The absolute power and relief from truly forgiving...it brings such peace. I am sure those of you who are spiritual will understand.

It seems in our daily lives there is so much anger and resentment. I see it everywhere...in close families, friends, colleagues, neighbors, nations. It just makes me so sad to see people I care about all around me suffering in pain from their anger. I have been there myself so I absolutely know what it feels like.

We should not accept being taken advantage of BUT I do believe we should try and communicate from our hearts and with calm and acceptance.

I guess next I will be expecting World Peace. ;)

I found some quotes I thought I would share. I didn't include anything from Jesus....I think we all know where he stands on the issue.

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the

injury that provokes it. 

--Seneca

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget" is only another way of saying,

"I will not forgive." Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note-

torn in two and burned up so that it never can be shown against one.

---Henry Ward Beecher

Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember

the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true.

Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional

stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and

intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded

intelligence to work with the situation more effectively.

---The Intelligent Heart, David McArthur & Bruce McArthur

Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, and nothing we attempt ever

without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of

fallibility we call humanness, we are saved by forgiveness.

---David Augsnurger

Anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry

with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time,

and for the right purpose, and in the right way -

that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.

---Aristotle

Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other

person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally

understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth

to people in its own way and time.

---Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of

throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

--Buddha

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.

--William H. Walton

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was YOU.

---Unknown

I imagine that one of the reasons people cling to their hates so

stubbornly is because they sense, once the hate is gone,

they will be forced to deal with pain.

---James Baldwin

Revenge is sweet, but forgiveness is sweeter.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech

you will ever regret.

Forgiving is a choice you make--a gift you give to somebody even if

they don't deserve it. It costs nothing, but it makes you feel rich

for giving it away.

---Lurlene McDaniel

Mood is MUCH Better

Wow! Thank you to everyone who called, emailed, posted, sent ice cream (6 pints direct from Ben and Jerry's), sent cards, notes, hats etc....THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU....

My mood has improved so much since the week of July 4th. Having so many supportive people in my life is the main reason.

I had great talk with the Nurse Practitioner at my Onc's office. I was just B%^&!-en about how low I was feeling..."I used to be SO high energy" "I used to be SUCH a great Multi-Tasker" "I used to work-out SO much" etc etc etc.

Laura (RN) responded so matter of fact "You will never be like you used to be -so quit trying to get there and quit comparing your old self with your new self...you will just frustrate yourself and get even more depressed". So obvious...so incredibly dead on.

She also told me I NEEDED to move my butt. Some kind of exercise twice a day. Even if it's for only 10 minutes at a time. AGAIN...GEEZ...so obvious...so incredibly dead on.

I guess it helps to hear from a professional the same advice you would give to anybody else.

So, to all my friends and family ....to RN Laura, AND to the size 2 skirt I bought at Ann Taylor last week.....YOU ARE THE BEST!!!

Jack Johnson

My sister Diane first introduced me to this musician, Jack Johnson, when she made me a CD compilation that included his music. I take this CD with me when I have "Scan Day"...It really helps me get through the nonsense of those days.

Jack Johnson was a performer for Live Earth broadcast from Sydney yesterday....what a treat for me.

Here is a sample of his Music.

Curious Nick

My 4 year old nephew Nick reminds me so much of curious George....he's a curious little monkey with a BIG smile and HUGE hug.

TELL ME you can't see a resemblance :)

07-07-07 Live Earth

For those of you living under a rock...yesterday was the 7 continent concert event initiated by Al Gore's "Green Campaign". www.liveearth.org

It was pretty cool...I really hadn't "planned" on watching it...but I found myself awake at about 3:30am Saturday am and I flipped on the TV.

I got to see the kick-off at sunrise in Sydney Australia. It was WAY COOL. I was watching it live and they had aboriginal singers and Gore kicking it off. I got hooked...by the time Jeff woke up they were halfway around the world....Japan, Germany, England. The acts were SO diverse....Snoop Dogg, Keith Urban, Jack Johnson, Madonna, Alicia Keys....and a whole MESS of bands I haven't heard of.

By late afternoon they were broadcasting from New York, DC, Brazil...etc. If you get a chance to watch any highlights of the event, you should. It kinda reminded me of the broadcasting event(s) that encompassed the new millennium...except this was promoting stopping Armageddon...and the millennium broadcasts were trying to capture it live.

Y2K Armageddon....brought to you live....by Pepsi and Fidelity Investment Services.

I don't know how I managed, but I watched a 24 hour concert and AND the Wimbledon women's finals. Thank Goodness for TIVO.

It's Time

My blog started out as a writing outlet for me. You can see in my earliest posts I wrote alot more than I do now. This blog has evolved into just random thoughts and pictures and feelings.

I think it's time. I think it's time for me to continue (almost wrote finish) writing. The hope of this blog is that there is no ending. No ending wouldn't make sense now would it? Unless you are David Chase of course.

Sometimes I feel like the luckiest person on the planet. I have met sooo many amazing, wonderful people throughout the years - from - my career, living in Winter Park for 25 years, going to 4 high schools, 2 colleges, raising my step-kids, having a big beautiful loving family, from the men I have loved...and the very special one I have in my life now.

How lucky am I? I have worked in NYC, San Francisco, London, Germany all while having a home in Central Florida. I have been to the top of the Andes and to the bottom of the Amazon basin..... I haven't seen the Eiffel tower....Ce la vie.

Why am I so blue?? Because. Just Because. I feel like I had my chance at life....did a pretty decent job...but it feels empty somehow. Not myself anymore. I told my husband I felt "Alone with my memories".

Am I reminiscing too much? Is this what happens when you can't grasp hold of the future?

I know, I know, a "positive attitude" is everything. Believe me, I have had a life time of always being positive....ask anyone who knows me well.

2 years of dealing with advanced cancer to the bones, the lungs the brain....you know?...I'm a little beat....My negative cells are eatin' up my positive cells.

I have so much to say...I don't know if I should unload in just one post. Maybe too much to bear.

I am looking for a reason to wake up.

My husband, my love, my rock, my arms and legs, my driver, my grocer, my cook, my brain...you are my reason.

I have been protective of my friends and family....I sometimes hide the way I feel. I Can't do that anymore. From now on..it ALL will all hang out. I can't post only when I am feeling good....I need to vent, to complain, to yada, yada, yada.

I just hope I can do it with a modicum of grace.

In My Life

Dave Matthews - In My Life

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And the Number One Reason....

.....David Letterman is the smartest host on Television?

Because he picked Megan Dougherty out of 100 and 100's of applicants to be one of his interns this Fall/Winter.

HOW COOL IS THAT????????

Kristen-Father's Day

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day

Who Am I?


They say I have my mother’s legs and my father’s eyes of grey

My thirst for life?

My quest for peace?

Well, honestly, who’s to say?

I have looked into the deepest corners of my soul, my heart, my brain…

Trying to figure out the pieces of me…precisely who’s to blame.

For my love of people, of life, of kids, for stuff that make me laugh

Who put this here? this spark of mine…who led me down this path?

Who put this here? my search for answers…learning for just learning’s sake…

There is no one other than my father, my friend, my Dad…my Jake.

Take My Kitten...Please!

Take Me Home!